Relationship is a pretty f*cked up game to play. Please forgive me for my language, but I can't find any other word to describe how I feel right now.

I really hate having the feeling of being tied down, but of cause I'm aware that that's what you have to forgo for a relationship to continue writing on. But, honestly, sometimes, thoughts of giving-up entered my mind and I'm afraid that I'll be overwhelmed by it. I'm really afraid of making the wrong choice, afraid of regrets, afraid of losing you for the wrong reasons.....

I was told, for a girl, don't sink yourself too deep in a relationship, you'll hurt yourself. I've experienced that for myself and I would like to make it less painful in the next relationship. But, I end up hurting someone else! Now, I don't know what I should do.

Recently, I kept having dreams of us in scenarios I wish it will NEVER happen. I can feel the sadness flowing into me and it felt so real that I cried in my sleep. Tell me, what does it mean? Please, someone...

Last night, we had the biggest fight and I'm still not sure if it had resolved yet. I won't deny it was my fault. I was being childish and oblivious of your feelings, and I should have thought of you before taking action. But, would you reflect before sending me that message? I didn't flare until you turn everything against yourself, saying that it's your fault instead of mine. I hate that! Using reverse psychology ain't gonna work on me and that's cruel. I can find no words to describe how I felt at that moment, where to even begin describing? Why the hell would you say that?! When you already know that everything is MY FAULT! Okay, anyway, I've learnt my lesson and it'll never happen again.

I hate fights, I hate quarrels! Now, I don't know how to face you anymore. To get back to the fun and laughter we use to have. I don't know what I should be doing at this very moment either. Here I am, pouring out my feelings and when I'm done, what am I gonna do then? I don't know. Should I just watch my shows or should I call you? What should we talk about? I bet it's gonna be extremely awkward. I'm lost...

Last night, I literally stopped myself from shedding tears and went off to bed.... again. Am I avoiding?