"The Innocence of a Child."

I laughed my ass off.

Just because, I was so amazed with the innocent mind of a child.

Able to have a free imagination, but ignorance to what's so wrong.

No wonder.

Ignorance is bliss.

But!

Ignorance invites trouble.

I fucking hate myself!

A dog was rundown by a fucking lorry right infront of my eyes, and I didn't do shit about it.

If only...

Ugh.

But I guess that made me more passionate about Veterinary.

I didn't do shit 'cause I know nothing about saving injured animals.

And, I don't want that to happen again.

God, I still can't believe what I just saw!

And, not forgetting about the guy in the lorry.

He just hit and ran.

What a 'kind' soul.

Bastard.

Crap.

I'm so not ready for the test later.

But, I did study at Jo's place yesterday.

Apparently, it's more effective compared to studying at home.

At least he's there to force me to study.

Okay, it's embarrassing.

But yea, I still need someone to force study on me.

Or, maybe for the time being.

Wait till I get the holidays out of me, which I don't know when, and see.

Ugh.

Hopefully, my com don't crash on me later on.

It better not.

Oh, Year 2010.

Hmm.

Alright, I've been back for awhile now and I'm totally missing Europe.

Am gonna have my Biology test tmr and I've only study 1 problem so far.

This is just tragic.

I still have the holiday mood in me.

Sat infront of my com during the weekends and all I could do was just stare and stone.

Nothing went in.

Now, I'm left with only hours.

Crap.

Anyway, maybe I'll upload the Europe photos soon.

Have them in my netbook and I'm dying to check them out.

Couldn't 'cause of the damn tests.

Seriously, they should totally put all of em before the holidays.

Ugh.

Oh well.

Am heading over to Jo's place later.

Maybe I can study more there.

Ciaos.

Alright, I don't think I have any pictures for this post cause I am just too lazy to put any. :D

So anyway, I'm in Paris now.

Just arrived this afternoon, about 2plus 3.

Other than the rain and the slight fog, the weather here in Paris is actually quite nice.

But the worse thing to ever happen was, falling sick during winter.

It suck to the core, coming from someone who's having the flu.

Me.

I wanna apologise to those who had to withstand my grumpiness cause the cold was really getting to me.

If I'm not wrong, it's during the night in Belgium.

Worse night ever.

But overall, I'm still enjoying myself here.

Oh yea, Merry Christmas to everyone I hold dearly.

My family and friends.

Goodnight.

Haha, we attempted to do the jump shot, but well, the picture tells it all.

Am in Germany, Frankfurt now.

It's 2.43am in Singapore while it's only 7.43pm in Germany.

So, am in a dilemma.

It's freaking -13 degree celsuis and I'm freezing my ass off over here.

I was worried that my toes may drop off at any time without me realising it.

Scary huh?

Well, now I know how meat feel like in the freezer.

Haha.

Honestly, after a total of 17 hours of flight, I'm pretty beat and my back is aching.

Maybe I should lie in bed and well, maybe turn in early.

P/s: I'm a happy girl. :D

Haha.

I love you, Jo.

Well, hopefully, the next hotel provides free internet access.

I'm happy today.

Jo surprised me.

By, appearing at the most unexpected timing.

Like ever.

Haha, to me at least.

He dropped by at 6.45am in the morning just to send me to school.

No plans, no request, no nothing.

But, he was on his way home from a friend's place, so it's kind of on the way for him.

Any how, I still think it's sweet. :D

Cheap thrill much? Haha.

Maybe because, he budged into my room when I was still sleeping.

For a moment, I thought I was still dreaming.

Not until he gave me a major tickling session.

Such an ass.

Thank you, Jo. ;D

Sometimes, I actually regret snipping off my long hair.

Once, I admire those with short hairstyles,

but now, it's those with long locks that I admire.

One thing's for sure, I've always admired those who have never had chemicals on their hair before.

And, that's what I'm aiming for.

Getting rid of chemical-damaged hair once and for all.

So now, my plan is to maybe stick to my current hairstyle for awhile, then leave it long again.

Wonder how my hair would be like if I didn't rebond it in the first place.

Hmm.

But crap.

Now, the ends of my hair are curling up and not in a nice way.

In fact, it's curling outwards.

Like this,

Sincerity doesn't need prompts.

But, how much of it can we get these days?

And, I'm aware that I don't show much sincerity either.

So, it's pretty much a reminder for both you and me.

:)

TLT are gonna go on holiday once again.

This time, we're heading to central Europe.

Damn excited.

But, I've a tad feeling that the tour group is gonna be real small this time.

Reason being, they were on the verge of cancelling the trip due to an insufficient number of people in the group.

Pathetic, that means that there's a low chance of having cute guys to check out.

Oh wait, I totally missed out the Hot Locals.

Haha, I'm only joking. (Jo, please don't kill me. :D)

Anyway, they manage to fill the final few spots to activate the tour.

BUT,

I was told that if the tour was cancelled, TLT and family will head to the states instead.

The minute I heard that,

"Cancel the tour then!" I said.

Seriously, I don't mind heading to the states again.

Wanna visit Dallas this time and furthermore, I prefer to go free&easy.

Looking back, I really miss the time TLT had in the states.

Especially the stay at Uncle David's.

Their place was brilliant.

Especially the surrounding nature.

Imagine the fresh air, the breath-taking view,

it's an atmosphere we'll never have here in Singapore.

Now, I feel like migrating. Haha.

Now now, don't judge me on that.

Anyway, I seriously can't wait for the upcoming holiday.

But the crappy thing is that, before the holiday starts, I've 2 papers to sit for.

Suck big time.

Friends: Ross and Rachel's breakup.

This is by far, the most heart breaking scene in Friends.

I teared when Rachel broke free from Ross when he attempted to kiss her as a make up for what he had done, which I agree that a kiss just won't do.

Seriously, wrong move.

But that ain't the point, I think Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Joey are the real victims here.

They had to witness the entire break up between their two close friends, secretly.

Talk about major heart breaking.

A chain of sufferings.

Fuck this shit.

I gotta f-ing chill.

By far, the best picture I've ever taken. :D

When you lose the respect of your students,

You lose them totally.

Well, had the worst chemistry lesson today.

Don't know what exactly happened to me today.

Kept making those unforgiveable mistakes.

Worst, I was put down quite harshly.

Totally lost the motivation to work my brain again.

I kind of felt that I had lost something today, something that I really hold dear to me.

Respect.

The worst kind of feeling I've ever felt in my entire 17 years of life.

I've never felt so worthless before.

Nevermind. Whatever man.

I'll get it back one day.

But, I'll never know when.

And, once again, I've lost the motivation to drag myself to school again.

This small phase of life is just crap.

Is it worth being thrown away, or being kept in mind?

I guess a philosopher has the answer to that question.

"A dream of fairytales"

It's been a week due and I'm really sorry, Sweety.

Couldn't figure my phone's crappy bluetooth.

Tried to connect to my com, but it just didn't work out.

My new phone is increasing my hatred for it.

What an idiot.

Anyway, last week, Sunday, was our first anniversary, and it was my very first.

Didn't think it would last this long and I hope it would keep on going.

I've never felt anything like this for anyone.

I love you, my precious.

I really do.

"A story so beautiful and ... Weird?"

Hahaha.

W46M!

Babycakes, I miss you guys so much.

Looking back at this picture, made me think about how much fun we use to have in class.

Screaming away, singing sessions, and just throwing our nonsense around the class.

Even the faci(s) don't know how to conduct a proper class with us. HAHA! (You guys should know who I'm referring to.)

The craziest but the loveliest classmates I've ever met.

"Imprints on a heart."

:D

To be honest, I miss blogging.

And, maybe the fact that I'm bored in school.

So, don't mind the consistency of maybe, only 2 post?

And, most likely stop for a long while again.

HAH!

No promises.

The temptation of leaving was over.

I stayed.

The outcome turned out pretty fine, besides the fact that, my team had a had time compiling information into our presentation.

After all, it was just the beginning.

Had to surpass the presentation part to obtain a clearer sky.

Sad thing is, I stammered.

Boo.

Good thing is, we had point that no other teams had.

Yeah.

This is crap.

I'm in school right now, and I don't understand a shit about it.

I've friends who are gonna go partial and it's really tempting.

No kidding.

But, come to think of it, it's best not to, if I wanna get a GPA of 3.5.

But, then again, my brain ain't working today and it's like, things are bouncing off my brain every time it tries to enter.

"My my, Jolene, get a grip. Try to understand this f-ing Bio problem."

Does that help? No.

Now, I kinda regret not pursuing triple-science in secondary school.

I had to heed my teacher's advise to just go with the flow.

Appreciate what I have and not try to hold something I can never cope with.

Crap.

I shouldn't have.

And, look where I am now, struggling my way through this higher level of Biology.

I've admired those who pursued, worked hard, and proved others wrong that they can cope.

Well, gotta work harder if I wanna pass my first Bio UT.

"Resist the temptation, Jolene."

Jol, you're super ridiculous, childish and weak!

Show some backbone, will ya?!

Damn it.

I need funny.

Oh crap, I think I just felt an earthquake, but now it's gone.

At first, I thought I was just feeling alil giddy or something, but there's no reason I should be. So, I looked around and saw that some of my stuff were swaying to and fro. Not to mention, it kinda freaked me out because when I looked out the window to see if there's any response from the people outside (apparently not), I felt the building shake to and fro too. Then, images of buildings crashing down flashed through my head, I said to myself, "Oh shit!". I rushed out my room to have more reassurance, but apparently, my aunt was still going on with her cooking and my bro in his room. But, the 6 lights hanging from my ceiling were still swaying alil.

"Honestly, until now, I'm still having my doubts about what just happened. Maybe it's just my imagination or maybe, we can just tune in to tonight's news and see what's really going on. If there's nothing related, then probably, boredom is REALLY taking over my freaking mind."

Scratch that, because I was given a DEFINITE ANSWER! My mum told me that she, too, experienced it in her office and she said that it was pretty bad. So I guess I wasn't hallucinating. But, none the less, Let's just watch the news tonight.

Alright, I know that I've not been writing. Too bad, deal with it. :)

Anyway, it's weeks into my 5 weeks holiday and sadly, it's about to end. I'll have to meet new peeps(not even sure if they're gonna be) on 5th oct and I'm seriously nervous and more or less frighten for that day to come. Knowing where I study, it's pretty obvious what I'm afraid of. Sometimes, I regret entering that school but, on the other hand, if I didn't, I wouldn't have met wonderful people like W46M. It was really a relief to have them as my classmates whom are people who don't scares the shit out of me. However, happy moments don't always last. Everyone will be posted to a new class by end of this holiday. On a brighter side, we might end up in a class who are better. But, on a darker side, it's gonna be a different story or rather, a tragic one. Maybe I'm exaggerating alil, but you guys should know what I mean. Even fights/quarrels happened between classes, so let's not mention about inner conflicts.

Talking about that, even in my own school foodcourt, 2 ignorant dudes picked a fight just because they bumped into each other. Can't they just say sorry?

Anyway, no matter what, I'm still glad to have known W46M. :D

Besides that, during this holiday, Cheryl brought me to the Bottle Tree Village and we did prawning and all I can say is, FUNNNNNN! :D I mean, yea it's nothing I've ever did before and furthermore, I don't even dare to take the hook out of the prawn's ..... mouth? I've to give it to Cheryl, cause she did all the work. She took out most of the hooks and also, taught me how to, and she did all the slaughtering! Well, she was afraid too but, she's the most daring girl I've ever met. She plucked out all the prawn's legs and pincers while I cleaned off the prawn's eggs. I couldn't help thinking it was so cruel to pluck those out while it's still living and breathing or rather, wide awake and aware of what's coming at them! I've seen alot of animal cruelty videos and well, it's happening right infront of me. So, eventually we took the longest time to clean our prawns ( which so happens that there's alot to clean cause we caught 24 in 2 hours! Isn't that amazing? :D Yea, but not as much for the slaughtering.), one of the uncle actually came over to help us with the cleaning and the cooking too. It was really kind of him, so we offered him some of our day's catch. :) Anyway, I've also learnt that there's a pet sitting job, here in Singapore, but too bad, the spot was filled up. However, I gotta say, I was very motivated to get that job.

I think that's it for now.
Gonna crash.
Goodnight!

Jol!

1. Went out shopping with mummy today and we bought lotsa stuff.
2. I'm gonna try out new dressing styles. Don't laugh alright? :D
3. I'm having a headache right now.
4. I think I should gym more, been eating too much fried food recently.
5. Hmm, should I go back to painting my nails? Have stopped for years.

Sometimes, I should just keep my bloody mouth shut. I don't even know why I even bothered.

I swear I won't miss class next week.

Dammit, I wanna watch Trueblood season 2! Come on!

Anyway, I stayed at home today because I was planning to study for my UT this morning, but since I slept at 5plus the night before, I couldn't get up 9am. Instead, I woke up at around 10plus 11, had breakfast, studied like 2 problems and dozed off. I'm seriously damn shag, and yea I know others are too, but I won't deny that I'm lazier. :D Yesterday, for the first time since school started, I actually dozed off during class. Shocking, isn't it? Haha. "Don't roll your eyes at me, 4e2-ians."

Accompanied Clare, Iza and Hysha to CC but only Clare and I came out. Haha, nah, Iza and Hysha stayed to do their RJ. Well, I had a chat with Clare and did I mention that she's my childhood friend? Yea, so we basically talked about the past, how she "boss" us (can can, Joel and me) around and laughed at how naive we were when she told us that the rat hole was some snake goddess home, haha, it's hilarious because I remembered spreading that to my other friends. And well, we talked about others stuff too. Haha, it was really nice chatting with her. It's been pretty long since I did that with friends. Thanks Clare for the advice too yea? :D

Crap is all I've to say.

I know it's a sin to think of you, to have that little ounce of feelings for you, to crave for you...

I have no idea why but please forgive me.

Now, I'm overwhelmed with confusion. Am I over you, or is this just that one time when I look back at those beautiful memories and think, "What would it be like if everything had went on smoothly?" ?

I don't know...

But after today, I swear, it's gonna be the last time that you entered my train of thoughts in such a way.

Moreover, I doubt you've ever felt this way about me...

Jol!

Yesterday, Clare asked if I have checked my email, and guess what? There's another Acres briefing on 11th July. Man, was I happy. :D

Alright, I'm out. There's basically nothing else to write about.

Oh well. :D

Well, apparently, I'm quarantined till 3rd of July. Not that I've the virus, just that one of my classmate have been tested positive of the virus. I really hope she's doing fine and of cause, hope she's well.

A couple of my friends and I were suppose to attend this Acres briefing today, but because we're quarantined, we have to be socially responsible, told be Clare herself, didn't know she's that mature. Haha. Anyway, I was looking forward to the briefing and I bet all my friends were too. Oh well, mature Clare wrote an email on our behalf and I hope they'll make an exception.

Anyway, things between Jo and I are ay-okay. But of cause, I gotta give it to him, he was pretty mad that night but when he called me the next day, he was the first to break the ice. As for me, I was still pretty uptight about the fight. I'm not angry or anything like that, as mentioned in the previous entry, I had no clue on how to face him or even talk to him normally. But, yea, he broke the ice first and in no time, I was back to teasing him and my oh-so-childish ways. I don't think anyone will ever overtake him in the job he does, and that is, loving a girl like me.

Though I've only been living for 17 years, I don't think anyone can ever stand my personality, or perhaps they can, for awhile. :D And honestly, for now, Jo is doing a real good but I'm not sure about the future. Haha. *Yea laugh, Jolene. Laugh while you still can...

Relationship is a pretty f*cked up game to play. Please forgive me for my language, but I can't find any other word to describe how I feel right now.

I really hate having the feeling of being tied down, but of cause I'm aware that that's what you have to forgo for a relationship to continue writing on. But, honestly, sometimes, thoughts of giving-up entered my mind and I'm afraid that I'll be overwhelmed by it. I'm really afraid of making the wrong choice, afraid of regrets, afraid of losing you for the wrong reasons.....

I was told, for a girl, don't sink yourself too deep in a relationship, you'll hurt yourself. I've experienced that for myself and I would like to make it less painful in the next relationship. But, I end up hurting someone else! Now, I don't know what I should do.

Recently, I kept having dreams of us in scenarios I wish it will NEVER happen. I can feel the sadness flowing into me and it felt so real that I cried in my sleep. Tell me, what does it mean? Please, someone...

Last night, we had the biggest fight and I'm still not sure if it had resolved yet. I won't deny it was my fault. I was being childish and oblivious of your feelings, and I should have thought of you before taking action. But, would you reflect before sending me that message? I didn't flare until you turn everything against yourself, saying that it's your fault instead of mine. I hate that! Using reverse psychology ain't gonna work on me and that's cruel. I can find no words to describe how I felt at that moment, where to even begin describing? Why the hell would you say that?! When you already know that everything is MY FAULT! Okay, anyway, I've learnt my lesson and it'll never happen again.

I hate fights, I hate quarrels! Now, I don't know how to face you anymore. To get back to the fun and laughter we use to have. I don't know what I should be doing at this very moment either. Here I am, pouring out my feelings and when I'm done, what am I gonna do then? I don't know. Should I just watch my shows or should I call you? What should we talk about? I bet it's gonna be extremely awkward. I'm lost...

Last night, I literally stopped myself from shedding tears and went off to bed.... again. Am I avoiding?

Well, I have to say that Marley & Me is a bitter-sweet story. I loved the show at the start, but I started hate it at the end. Haha, Obviously, it's because Marley PASSED ON! Okay, I don't exactly hate the show, but it's at that scene, I cried infront of people. Well, honestly, I started to tear up when Marley had trouble walking with the steps. I wonder what it would be like if I ever had a Dog. Will I be devastated when it pass on? Hmm.

Anyway, I was overwhelmed by emotions today and I don't know why.
The journey when boyfriend walked me to the bus stop was extremely quiet. He was his usual irritating-self, but I wasn't. I was the cause for the quiet-ness. I'm sorraye.

On my birthday itself, I'd spent half with boyfriend and the other half with family.

First of all, boyfriend took me to Fish&Co (glass house) for lunch, which was fantastic, I must say. I had New york fish and chips which has cheese in it. *Yummm! After that, we headed down to the Cathay for our movie of the day, Blood: The Last Vampire. The movie wasn't up to my expectations and honestly, it was just crap. By the way, they don't call the blood suckers vampires, they call it demons. So when the demons showed their true forms, you can actually hear people laughing. Haha, guilty as charged, I laughed too. By the way, it was a M18 movie and I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW! Boyfriend had to point it out to me, if not, I don't think I'll realise it. The M18 sign was hung outside the theatre door and I didn't notice it. Haha. I was totally shocked! How blur can I be?

Anyway, for the other half, I had dinner with my family at Sushi Tae, the one we went exactly 1 year ago. Haha.

Thanks guys! :D

Yesterday, Yeesuan and Yeening came over for a movie marathon and we had a sleep over. During the December holiday, we totally should do this again. It's more relexing, agree? :D

Today was the 6sincere gathering, after so many trys to organise one, we finally had it today! Quite a number had changed alot, some stayed the same. Well, for Mr Alex Lee, he looked the same to me, although he claim that he had grown side ways, which I totally disagree. :D Everyone gathered outside J8's pasta mania and went in after awhile and it was on Mr lee, his treat, ain't that nice. But one thing I won't forget was what Cheryl did for me today. Arriving with a box of cake, she said it was for Mr alex lee. But after having all the delicious pizza, Manting asked me if I could accompany her to the restroom, everyone does that, so I suspected nothing. So yea, I accompanied her. But upon arriving back, everything became really suspicious, cheryl was outside when we walked back, manting told me to wait for awhile before entering, saying, "I don't know what's wrong with them, ai ya!"(Lols!) So thoughts ran through my mind and I begun to fear for what's to come. Entering with fear and curiousity, everyone were looking at me and a beautiful chocolate cake was on the table. Everyone started singing the traditional song so loud that I covered my face to hide the redness. I couldn't believe what's happening was actually happening and I didn't know what to do. While cutting the cake, I was still shocked and embaressed that my hands were shaking. THANKYOU CHERYL THAM! For everything and I Love you TONS LOADS! What would I do without you, bestie? Your Birthday, you watch out! Haha.

After that, Mr alex lee and a few girls left and the rest head down to orchard's starbucks to chill and have coffee together. I wonder what will happen to us in the future, some of us will be married( Hey! You guys gotta invite the entire 6 sincere to you wedding alright? :D), with different careers and such. I hope we'll still have such gatherings in the years to come. Anyway, we everyone talked about the past and were laughing about it. Walked around town and then it's time to head out of town. Everyone went home, except 6. Cheryl, Terrence, Matthias, Daniel, Zhizhen and me headed to Dan's new condo to do more chatting and chilling. The night was still young... :D

Haha, yea and then everyone headed home.

Have more gatherings yea? :D

Goodnight people!
Jol!