how i wish it wasn't a dream. but, frankly, it is. why?! whyyy?!

my heart weighs a ton.

ahhhhh!!
please, just let me scream!

heyy people! man! today wasnt a great day for me. actually, it's a torturing day for me! argh! my J fren came! and it's a torture i tell you, TORTURE! okay, i'll write something else other than that first.

[o8o8o7] wednesday

hmm, i woke up as usual. get changed and then left the house. bus-ed down to the train station and then train-ed down to sembawang. well, today, i didnt meet shiqi up. tried calling her but no one picked up. so ohh well, i went off alone. walked to school and turned out all sweaty and stuff again. argh! luckily, i wasnt in uniform, i wore my class T. cause my school is celebrating national day today. hmm, went up to class immediately and i was looking for a fan to cool myself down! man! the feeling of having a shirt stuck to you, *shivers* uncomfortable! after i was about to cool myself down, we all were told to go out of class. i was like "WHAT?! i just got settled. T.T" so i had no choice but to go out of class. well, i left my bag in class too. i didnt really follow my class, i had duty to do. taking pictures of the parade. so i went to the cosmix, met up with ngoh and drey. we took our cameras and then went out to shoot some pictures. well, the camera i was holding didnt have much memory space, so took some pictures, and it's full. well, i shared camera with drey. there aint enough. then parade was not bad. didnt really get to see the whole parade, we three were at a blind spot. met up with dan and went up to shoot somemore. after awhile, we went back to the cosmix and slacked. after awhile, we realised that today was the last day for the exhibition. we went down to have our last look of others and our work pieces. then went up to the cosmix and slacked. it's recess after that. went down and ate something, sat down with ngoh, france and jiecheng and chatted. then we went into the com room1 to use computers. we were bored. at 11pm, ngoh and france had ASP. so i went up to the cosmix and joined the rest for revising. revised for awhile and i had to leave. i had to meet up with suan, went into mac and bought my lunch. took a bus to northpoint and man! it was a long ride! we both kinda slept in the bus. suan had to collect her specs, so i accompanied her. then she bought some snacks over to my place. we had tuition at 4pm. we tuitioned until 6.30pm and then, it's SWIMMING! Lols. we went down for a short dip, swam and few laps and totally had fun. after that, we went up and showered. we ate and good thing was that, suan get to stay overnight! weee~ cause it's pretty late. so we both slept in the living room. well, she turned in first and for me, i was watching televison till 1am. okay, i admit that it's pretty uncomfortable sleeping on the smallish couch. cause, i'm afraid of .... okay! shush! but, it's an experience. i get to sleep in the living room! weee~ in the morning, i was woken up, UNWILLINGLY! i wanna sleep some more. okay, shall stop here. i'll post the other part tmr. it's getting late too.

sayonara`
Jol!

no! i couldnt bear to lose it! it's very precious to me!
you're still first!

[o5o8o7] sunday

well, i woke up pretty early today, as i was suppose to go to school to help out with my CCA. yesterday night, i messaged ngoh and drey pretty late as i confirmed the timing with ching at the last minute. so ngoh didnt manage to tell her uncle before hand so she went to school super early. well, apparently it's totally my fault. Lols. ohh well. got out of my house late and so, i arrived in school late. i went up to the school hall straight away. then i met up with xn and drey and the rest of the photographers. after awhile, we were told that 4 of us is only needed for today. we all were like "WHAT?!" but, we all were told that it's complusory, so we all came early in the morning! so we just waited in the hall. but, no teacher came so the others were like playing and having fun. xn and i went out for a walk cause it's pretty boring. we went to see people playing soccer. well, seeing them playing soccer reminded me or someone else. sigh! shall not go into that. then we went down to check if the canteen was open but apparently, it's not. sigh! i was pretty hungry by then. so we just looking at pictures on the notice boards. we went up after awhile. it's boring! then we all decided to play true or dare. it's fun though. i'm beginning to like the people in my CCA. really! at 11.30am, we had to leave the school cause there's another CCA going on in the hall i guess. well, i went straight home as i'm having tuition afterwards. first thing was to eat my lunch, took a short nap and then it's TUITION! ohh! i remembered something, well, it's been a month since i had that "worse day of my life" thingy. i still can remember what had happened on that day. it's seriously heart tearing. having you leaving me, my heart quickly filled with regret. why hadnt i do better back then? a mark, a scar, a painful memory was left permenantly on me. but, what's done can never be undone. a new beginning would start when you look ahead, but looking back would just be seeing the disaster you've made. well, that's my opinion, what do you think? back to the entry. after tuition, i kinda slacked again, chatted with my mum and my brother. then i was told to have shower as i'm going to my grandma's house. as expected, i was the last one to get ready. sigh! my brother drove my mum and my auntie to northpoint and then both my brother and me head to my grandma's house. waited for my dad and grandma downstairs and we took them out for dinner. we ate at this thai restaurant. well, it's my first time eating thai food, it's nice but pretty spicy. ohh! i saw denise there too. she's prettier in person. well, after dinner, we walked around in doing window shopping and then, we head back home. we went up to my grandma's house for awhile, and then we have to leave cause it's getting pretty late. well, my brother and i had a good chat about studies while on the way home. THANKS, brother! i'll try to change. after that, did my homework and went off to bed.

sayonara`
Jol!

i finally know the answer to my question! but, i'm not sure if i'm able to do that.
i want a better future for my family and me!

heyy guys! well, today, i woke up pretty late. then got out of the house pretty late too. so i boarded the bus at 7am. late huh? well, i manage to reach sembawang train station on the right timing. met up with shiqi and walked to school. after awhile, i arrived in school, and sat down in the parade square, doing totally nothing. well, i didnt put on my contacts again. these days, my eyes were pretty dry and tired! so i didnt really felt like putting them on. hmm, after assembly, we went up to class, and blah blah blah ... . nothing much though. during PC lesson, we did this test, and the whole class is splited into two, my left is doing maths and my right is doing english. well, looking at the white board, my name fall in the right side of the class, so it's english. awwww! so after starting the paper, the first few pages, i was quite awake, until the four page, my eyes started to close. i tried to stay awake but, i kinda doze off without knowing it. at first, i was reading the text, and the next thing i know, i'm dreaming?! i opened my eyes and continue reading, a few seconds later, wow! people! i see people! yea, i'm dreaming away again. then i got up and asked if i can go to the restroom. i washed up and went back to class. then, continued doing until the bell rang. well, i didnt manage to finish it, but i still hand it up. after that, it's already end of school. i went over to look for ngoh and france. but, ngoh and i went down first cause we will be having a meeting later. well, after the meeting, we all headed home. arrived home, first thing was to rest and then after awhile, i went to take a nap. i took a long one actually. it's like 1 plus to 5pm. long huh? well, after that, went out to grab a bite, watched some shows, apparently, the moment i stepped into the house, i've been slacking all the way. sorraye, it's really disappointing, i know! ohhh! JOLENE! you gotta snap out of it! no point thinking already! it's over, alright?! IT'S OVER! looking back aint gonna change anything! he has moved on, so why cant you?! i thought you've moved on ages ago?! why look back now when everything was destroyed in your hands?! you should know it pretty well what actually happened, right?! SIGH! i'm seriously one ass-hole!AMNESIA! i wanna get over it! it's driving me crazaye!! now, since it had failed, i have to depend on myself and time to get over it. well, back to my post. at 5.30pm, i went to get ready as i have a game of badminton with daniel. we played till 7pm and in between, guess who we met, bear! Lols. they played afew matches and then it's time to head home. after reaching home, i slacked, watched tv, ate my dinner, watched tv again then went off to shower. so here i am, typing away. well, gotta go sleep now. i have to wake up early tomorrow! man! SIGH!

sayonara`
Jol!

i am one ass-hole! i dont deserve anything from you.

heyy people! well, today, i was woken up by my brother. Lols. his method worked man! talking to me for quite long and stuff, really woke me up. though i kinda felt frustrated and stuff cause, he dont wanna let me sleep! so i just got up and head for the toilet. got myself ready and for the first time, i didnt bother my mum in her sleep. cause, for the pass few days, i've been waking her up for some stupid reasons. erm, i got out of the house pretty late though. but i manage to arrive in sembawang at the right time but first, i met up with shiqi, walked to school after that. well, as it's expected, i was sweating like a pig again. after assembly, we went up for lessons. then, blah blah blah ... , nothing much to say about what happened during lessons. but, as for the last period, mrs lee took over CME lesson cause she wanted to show us more videos. the videos were pretty interesting! then .. RING! school ended, and i went over to ngoh and france's class. waited for them outside. after awhile, i went in to goof around. then ngoh accompanied me to the staff room as i needa hand up the worksheet to ms koh. Lols. good thing i didnt wear my contacts today, if not i'll end up running back to class man! well, i think people who with me at that moment might know what i'm talking about. ngoh and i went back to her class and kinda slacked. after awhile, we went to the cosmix, we met drey there. then we three went down for lunch together. after eating, i had to head home already, cause i'm having tuition after that. so in the end, i wasnt able to go for cca. ohh! guess what? our photo got into the top 10 for the competition! and i mean our as in ngoh, drey and me! cool aye? we three were damn excited! well, came home and had tuition. after tuition, i was feeling extremely tired, so i went to take a nap. my auntie woke me up and she said it was already 8. i was like, " WHAT?!" i got up and of cause it's unwillingly. so went off to shower, then eat, then slacked abit. so here i am, blogging away, and i have tons of homework waiting for me, ahhhhhhh! gotta go get them done.

sayonara`
Jol!

when ever i thought it was you, it turned out to be someone else.
i just know that you hate me, ALOT!