why do we have emotions? why do i have to have emotions? my emotions just keep bringing me down. how i wish to be cold, really cold. i wont feel guilty of rejecting someone, i wont have to feel sad or cry infront of people, making myself look really pathetic! or have to take the effort of forgetting someone and accepting a new relationship. i dont seemed to have put down the previous one, and i cant seem to accept a new one. i'm thinking, ALOT! questions just keeps popping into my mind. what if this is bad? what if i miss such a great chance? what if i make a wrong move, and my life turns into a disaster?! what if .. what if .. there's so many what if(s)! my feelings is in a chaoic state right now! o levels, relationship, friendship, kinship! my mind and emotions are turning upside down, having to think about so many things! reason being, all four aint really going that well for me! i've no idea of how to reject someone without hurting them, but fact is they will, i really dont know how! blame me for all i care, i just dont know how to say no. i dont want to hurt peeps, but i know doing this will hurt them even more. i'm sorraye. look, people, i dont even think you guys know what the hell i'm saying right now! but this is what i'm really thinking right now. in my mind, there's a yes and a no, within the yes and the no, there's another yes and a no, it just keeps branching out like there's no ending! i'm really trying to be a optimistic person, but all this are not allowing me!



i'll try harder, now, i'll just concentrate on my o levels. nothing else ...



sayonara`

Jol!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DADDY!

i'm damn happy today! my family and i went for our first singing session. well, we formed a class of four people. so we went to pick kayan jie up first then head to school. we signed in and waited while choosing our song. we were suppose to bring our own CD for the songs we've picked, but we werent inform about that so, we didnt bring anything. they gave us a song book instead. sadly, there's some songs that we've practise, wasnt in that book, so we had to change and choose another that we are familiar with. the songs were limited though. but as for me and my mother, the songs we picked were included. lucky us! so the teacher came, we talked and stuff. you know, get to know more of each other, what kind of music we like and stuff. yea, so it's time for us to sing! this session was only a Vocal Analysis, so the teacher will know what vocal range we have. as for me, i was told that i chose the most challenging song ever..! it was sang by two powerful singers. but still, i took the challenge. hahahah! well, probably it's because, i practised that song for quite some time now. so i had to, if not, i'll just be wasting my effort on another song that i've not practise at all! so i sang, i ended up being the worst among the four. hahaha! i was damn happy after singing, cause i overcomed my fear! well, i still feel nervous and stuff, but i finished that song! yeah me! but still, the comments wasnt what i expected though. but i tried, didnt i? i'll practice this song until i can get everything right. that's my aim now. so we all got comments on where we had gone wrong, on how to improve, stuff like that. it's obvious that my family did much better than me. but i'll improve, i'll show ya! well, this is pretty much what happened in school.

mainly, i'm happy is about the time i spend so much time with my mother, brother and kayan jie today. we really had fun and stuff. really, i love you guys!

ohh, SORRAYE MUMMY! i didnt really mean to. really sorraye... =)

heyy, well, apparently, i'm talking to myself here. cause my blog had became a private one. but of cause, there's at least one or two people who knows about it. anyway, school has started and so, i'm still in the process of switching to my study mood. well, once a person gets into holiday mood, it's pretty hard to change back right? i mean, who doesnt like to have fun? crap! by the way, the japen trip was a BOMB! we saw lots of fuzzy fox, big hungry bears, dogs(really playful ones!) and loads of dead SALMON?! ohoh! we drove snow mobiles on this snowy hill. it was snowing quite heavily at that time, so my hands kinda froze and swell after that. i guess my gloves aint that thick enough. so as i was saying, it was snowing quite heavily that my jeans collected snow too, so my thighs ended up numb. haha! but the best thing was that i get to drive it myself! it's superbly FUN! we made a U-turn where people start getting out of control that they went knocking into the people infront. haha! including me! =) then we stopped for a rest, and i seriously needa rest, cause i was afraid that my fingers would drop at any moment! okay, so we stopped, took some pictures and .... WE THREW SNOW BALLS at each other!! haha! after that, we hop back on to our ride and drove back to base. haha! i was speeding lah and i over took a couple of people. =) LOVED IT! well that's the whole story about our experience on snow mobiles! i wanna go again! =) well, about the big hungry bears, they're really interesting and cute, dont forget cute! well, they did really cute actions to entertain us but of cause, there's something in return, we gave biscuits and apples to them. it's no ordinary biscuit, it's bear biscuit. we were warn not to feed to any of our people.=) well, mostly about this trip was about the SNOW! i'll upload some pictures some other time, there were snow everywhere! i'm not kidding! that blanket of snow was seriously thick! so that's why this trip was a bomb!

ohoh! today, i was superbly blur! i was on this 859 bus, i looked outside and saw 811 bus coming, so i got off and just went straight to the bus right behind, WITHOUT LOOKING AT THE NUMBER PLATE! i got onto 856, i was standing in the bus when i looked outside and saw, 811 turning in. i couldnt believe what i had just did! for the very first time, i got onto the wrong bus! so i got down the next stop, then waited for the bus to arrive. it was freaking slow. the people on 859 & 856 were kinda staring at me though. so i got on to 811, feeling embarrassed and stuff. sigh! i dont know what got into me. SIGH!

guess that's it for today. bed time!

sayonara`
Jol!