Howdy!

In a few hours time, I'm leaving for Japan and I won't be back till 1st Jan 09. Did I mention that before? hmm. Anyway, boyfriend came over to my place with my bro and his girlfriend. Sadly to say, they came over straight after they left their friend's place. So, there ain't any Heroes to watch. It's seriously getting more and more exciting! Anyway, made them watch Animal Planet - The Most Extreme. And guess what, it's about animals with nasty jobs. For example, Maggots -- used in hospitals to treat patients with decaying flesh, if I'm not wrong. They just eat away the dead flesh and stops there. It's known as the maggot treatment. It ranked either 5th or 4th, I can't really remember. Dung beetles ranked 1st cause they are working with Shit itself. The coolest one I've seen was the insect which I totally forgot what it is, which eats off dead animals without damaging the bones. Prob I'll find out what it is after I'm back from Jap, cause I'm leaving really soon. My uncle will be here to pick us up.

Okay, I gotta go.

Miss me alright? Hee.

Howdy!

Sorraye about the previous post. Oh ya, I took my cbox away cause I don't really want people commenting about it. But I do appreciate private conversation through MSN. Well, yea just dont want the whole world to see the comments, I guess.

Anyway, I'm currently at boyfriend's. You guys know about the popular english series, Heroes, right? Yea, we're watching it and I seriously recommend this series man. Well, I liked it just as I liked X-men. He's still napping though. We took a quick afternoon nap, well at least I did. Oh well, off to play Spore.

By the way, just to let you guys know, I'm leaving for Japan this Wednesday night. Yea, on Christmas eve. That's one sad news. Dont worry, I've got another one. We're coming back on New Year's day. Ughhh. Well, what makes me wonder is that, will there be a celebration on the plane itself? Won't that be cool! Yea, so just in case anyone wants to ask me out, not like I'm expecting any though. Hee.

"Defending what's ours in the means of Justice."
Does that sentence sound very weird?

Hmm, let me ask you guys a question. How do you feel if you realise that all along, your family or perhaps your loved ones dont trust you, and let me emphasise on this 2 words, AT ALL.

Well, let me start from the beginning, my auntie went back to her home town to visit her family and so, my family and I had to do house chores ourselves. My mum and bro wont be home most of the time and well, I'm told that I've to stay at my cousin's place for the time being. Though I've not done any house chores for a long time, it doesnt mean that I dont know anything about it. That's when I wonder if my family really knows me well even though they claim they do. The fact is that I know how to, just that it's a matter of want or not. But of cause, if you see it in a way of how good the outcome will be, I do admit that the outcome of my work wont be that great. But does that even matter? I'm still learning. Anyway, that's one reason why my mum wants me to be at my cousin's place, so that there's someone there to cater to my every need. But I dont want that.

Now, I've realised what I am in my mum's eyes. I know there's a saying that everyone will forever be a child in their parent's eyes, no matter if how old you are. You think I dont know that? But what I'm trying to say here is that, to me, she seems like she's not letting me grow up. I want to grow up, I want to do house chores like everyone else and be home all alone. One more thing, when I said I wanna go home on tue to get some clothings, my mum first said that she'll bring them for me when she comes over for dinner or in the morn, on her way to work. Next, after some convincing, she allows me to go home but she wants someone to accompany me, eg: my cousin. When I insists on going back myself, she let out craps on how unsafe it is for me to go home myself and for me to be home alone, and in the end, she insists that I do her way. But no! The more you dont trust me, the more I wanna rebel! And when I say rebel, I mean in a way that I do my way in order to show her I'm old enough to at least take care of myself when I'm going home or even being home alone! What?! Do I look 12 to you guys? It's not like I always get into an accident when I go to school right? WHAT'S THE FREAKING DIFFERENCES?! I admit I'm lazy but like I said, it doesnt mean that I freaking dont know anything! So the main point here is that, I extremely EXTREMELY dislike people who dont trust me, especially when they are your loved ones! FYI, I have always asked my mum for permission before doing anything. Where ever I go, whatever I buy when she's not around, I would always tell or ask her. But, this little bit of trust from her, for being home alone, is it too much to ask for? It's not like I've not stayed home alone before in my 16 years of life.

There's another that has been troubling me for quite some time. Please, PLEASE! I'm begging you, stop trying to lie to me. I'm not dumb if that's what you're thinking. The "change" around me and you has changed drastically. I know why, who and what caused the change. So stop with all the lying and denying, because ever since that night, ever since she talked to you, you started setting rules for me. Having all this to put up with, is really stressing the life out of me. I kept thinking if I should put a stop to all these ASAP! But, dont you thinking running away is just a form of self-comforting and a self-declared-wimp? If even such a small obstacle I cant pass, what about the other harder and nastier obstacles I have to face in the future? I just know that whatever the change is, it's for my own good but once again, it's just telling both of us that we're gaining no trust from you. Not even one bit. But okay no matter, this we can gain it bit by bit from you. Still, you aint being honest with me.

"No trust, no respect."

"Sorraye cous', I know I'm suppose to stay over but I mentioned to you before when I was at your place, and I really wanna prove that I'm trustable at home without having my mum to worry about me. I dont want to be at home with my mum worrying that I'm that dumb to the extent that I'll open doors for strangers. I really cant stand the feeling that my mum dont trust me to be home alone. Like I said, it's my own home, not like I'm gonna get raped by some idiot who broke into an apartment less than 15 storeys high in some condo."

I'm writing this here because I'm serious about this matter. I'm no longer 12, mummy and I really think that I deserve this little bit of trust cause it's my home too. Just because you and brother aint home, I dont get to be in my own home? I'm not an outsider, mummy. I'm not trying to make you sound bad here. You're the best mother I could ever have but when it comes to this, staying in my own house alone, I just cant bare to shut my damn mouth anymore and do nothing about it. I love what's mine and it's like my house dont belong to me when you're not around. I know I made everything sound as if I'm about to lose my own home but yea, that's how I feel when you dont allow me to head/stay home myself. "Worst, cous' mum was pulled in to convince me too and so, another solution came up, having cous' mum to send me to and fro." Do I have the face of a thief?

In my family, there's my mum, my dad, my bro and I. And all I could say that I went numb. It seems like I'm the most untrustable person among the bloods.
Dad: Is Jolene that untrustable?
Bro: Yea...
*Please say that you're joking and prove me wrong.

I love my family alot, but what the hell am I to them? Protect me all you want but the rules dont make me feel like family.

Howdy People!

Yea, I changed my blog skin cause got kinda sick of the other one. Anyway, yesterday boyfriend came over to my place early in the morning just to accompany me. Basically because for these past few days, I'm sick, ever since after WWW. I think I caught a cold or something cause my friends and I were walking back to our terrece dripping wet. So yea, had fever and stuff. But, you know what, I'm actually quite glad. It's been a LONG time since I was down with a fever. Dont be shock but I actually miss that feeling. :D So I wasnt allowed to leave home. And I almost died due to boredom! But before I was "quarantined", I had a date with boyfriend the day right before my condition got worse. We watched City Of Ember, and it's superbly nice man! After that, boyfriend brought me to this Japanese restuarant for dinner. It's called kuishinbo and I had lotsa salmon there. I wanna go there again. Probably bring my mum there the next time. Anyway, I got to enjoy before I get to suffer. That's nice right? Oh, we picked up boyfriend's PS3 too. *GAMESSS!!

Anyway, as I was saying, boyfriend came early yesterday morning. Slacked and well, as boyfriend slept late and woke up uber early yesterday, he took a nap in the afternoon. And in the evening, we watched PRISON BREAK! Okay, it's getting more exciting but to be honest, I didnt quite understand what was going on from the start cause I was dozing off. *What?! I'm sick! Yea, so we watched one episode and went out for dinner. After the 9pm show, we continued all the way till 3plus in the morning. Well, in the end, he stayed over at my place. My mum's bed cant compare to mine. HEEE! Anyway, early this morning, I had to leave him alone at home cause I'm out with the Little Trios.

Well, I was uber shagged actually, cause last night after prison break, I turned in quite late too. what's more, my auntie is picking me up at 11.30am. So I couldnt get enough sleep. After picking me up, my auntie had to go pick the rest of her family up before leaving for AMK hub. When we arrived, the adults went for their foot massage while the Little Trios went shopping. Not long later, we had lunch at NewYorkNewYork. Wah! I tell you, it's dame nice lah. But it's quite ex though. It was my first time there anyway. It's damn nice and damn filling. I couldnt eat another bite anymore lah. After lunch, the Little Trios went shopping again just to pass time quickly before going for our movie. We watched "Wild Child" today. Well, basically that's what happened today. Oh, guess who I saw today, I saw Emmanuel today! Haha. Yea, I had dinner at their place.

Haha, boyfriend said he and my bro wont be staying for dinner but in the end, they did. And guess what, when I reached home at 9pm, they were still there.....

Sayonara`

Jol!